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Hey Mama's! I hope you've all had a better Tuesday than I've had! I was just sitting here trying to decide whether tonight is a wine night or maybe a hot fudge brownie sundae night? Then I thought "What the hell? I'll have both!"
Then, as I'm eating a small countries share of ice cream, smothered in oh so yummy hot fudge, on top of a hot brownie, I started thinking about the holidays and how hard it can be for split families. (I know, I know - totally unrelated. If you guys could only see what goes on in my mind everyday, you'd get it.)
Anyway, I remember trying to split time between families for my kids and the first time someone dared to think, let alone mention, that I will be sharing my kids on a holiday, I just about lost my shit! No way was I spending Christmas Day without my babies, and anyone that thought that was an option was straight out of the loony bin, and headed right back where they came from! (Holy Crap - I think I just channeled my grandma for a second!)
Now, after I settled down a little and realized I could have them in the morning, they could go to their other families in the afternoon, we would still have plenty of time together, and it really would be ok...I still wasn't a fan of sharing! Nope. Still. Not. Ok.
So, this is when I became thankful for my Mom's way of doing holidays as my brother, sister and I grew up. My parents were divorced, but I can honestly say she always made sure the decisions that were made had us kids at the very center of them. She decided to move our Thanksgiving and Christmas's to the Saturday before the actual holiday. That left the actual holiday open for us to see any other family we needed/wanted to spend time with.
As adults we still do this. We have a huge Christmas with our family, the Saturday before the holiday, and then we all go to our significant other's family on the holiday. At first, I wasn't super fond of this because we weren't having dinner ON the holiday, but after a couple years of doing it, it's pretty freaking brilliant! We get a whole day (actually in our family it's more like the whole weekend now), no interruptions, no extended family, no rushing around to see everyone else. Just all of us, together, doing whatever we want!
I still do this with my kids today. They come to Grandma's on the same Saturday as me and we all have a huge, amazing, hilarious holiday, one week early. And it is awesome!
What if we made all things with split families this brilliant? I mean I know it's hard to put those hurt, pissed off feelings aside sometimes, but what if all Mama's could think outside the box and find a way to give and take a little leading to better quality, and more quantity, of the time spent with our kiddos, even if it means giving up a specific date (not just holidays).
Side note: When you "give up" the actual holiday, you get points for being considerate and generous, but you also get a whole day of celebrating and making memories with your kiddos, with no interruptions. Who's really winning here?
Isn't it better to have our babies all to ourselves for a whole, magnificent day? Wouldn't it be better for them to know that they get two special days with the most important people in their lives, instead of one rushed, stressful day being shuffled between families?
Think outside the box Mama's. Sometimes it will lead to your best compromises and foster the most memorable and special days that those babies will carry with them well into their adult life.
Doesn't that feel good? You just changed the course of your children's lives, showed them how important your time with them is and how much you value their relationship with their other families. Good job Mama.
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I'm a mama of three crazy, hilarious, amazing kids and the owner of an in home daycare for over 11 years.